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Biker Pat ![]() I spend too much time here!!! ![]() ![]() 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 39377 |
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A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as She just sat there watching her husband eat and |
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xgrovehead ![]() Die Hard Grover! ![]() 88/89 ish to 1992ish Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Dublin, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 2107 |
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We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb. |
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eejit91 ![]() Moderator Group ![]() ![]() Grove Years 1979-1983-84ish Joined: 12-October-2005 Location: Sometimes here and sometime Status: Offline Points: 8180 |
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. |
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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Biker Pat ![]() I spend too much time here!!! ![]() ![]() 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 39377 |
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[QUOTE=eejit91]
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. |
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eejit91 ![]() Moderator Group ![]() ![]() Grove Years 1979-1983-84ish Joined: 12-October-2005 Location: Sometimes here and sometime Status: Offline Points: 8180 |
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The Irish Castaway
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man, "that is so good, I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!" "And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. 'Tis truly fantastic!!!" At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!" |
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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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lol at the last one. hahahahah guy walks into a fancy dress party with a girl on his back, everyone is looking at him wondering what he came as. Finally someone asks him. he replies, I came as a tortoise. This is michelle
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Question : Why did the Indians bury their chief at the top of the hill,facing west ? Answers on a postcard ..........
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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no idea rolo, why did the indians bury their chief at the top of the hill facing west?
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Because he was dead !!!!
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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oh my god! that is so brilliant :)
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Guy walks into the doctor with a frog sitting on his shoulder. Doctor asks when he first noticed anything peculiar. Frog says " Well it all started with a boil on my bum." Edited by Rolo |
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xgrovehead ![]() Die Hard Grover! ![]() 88/89 ish to 1992ish Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Dublin, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 2107 |
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We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb. |
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Biker Pat ![]() I spend too much time here!!! ![]() ![]() 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 39377 |
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[QUOTE=Lenny3fingers] My pacemaker's gone off I'm laughing so much
Biker Pat |
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Your turn so !!!
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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guy walks into the doctors and says dr, i keep having alternate recurring dreams, one night im a teepee the next night im a wigwam. the dr says you need to relax, your two ten(t)s(e) another guy walks into the drs, and says dr, i keep singing the green green grass of home. Dr says sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Guy says he never heard of that and asked was it common? Dr replies its not unusual........ |
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Oh here we go so, Blind Guy goes into supermarket,swinging his guide dog by the leash,around and around,high above his head. Manager comes over " Can I help you Sir ? " Blind Guy replies " No thanks,just having a look around." |
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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good one rolo. another guy goes into the drs wearing nothing but cellophane. dr says I can clearly see your nuts.......
another guy goes into the drs with a steering wheel attached to his groin. The dr says whats that, the guy replies. I dunno, but its driving me nuts. |
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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Lenny3fingers ![]() Moderator Group ![]() Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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how do you get an elephant into a mini?
with great difficulty |
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
![]() -----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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eejit91 ![]() Moderator Group ![]() ![]() Grove Years 1979-1983-84ish Joined: 12-October-2005 Location: Sometimes here and sometime Status: Offline Points: 8180 |
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A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Edited by eejit91 |
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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Rolo ![]() Admin Group ![]() ![]() �79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Teresa, that's great. Best one so far. Anyone else ?
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