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Joke !!! |
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Don Don 
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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 Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:47 |
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A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate. The grandmother says 'Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets |
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:56 |
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One must be able to laugh at yourself. A bloke walks into a brothel and says: Ï'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation? "The madam replies: $60". "Wow, what do I get for that,"he says. She says: Ä John Deere cap and an a Kerry Jersey... |
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:58 |
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One for Pogue and Brendan
and before Cindarella ran out to the carriage to go to the ball she told Fairy Godmother "Oh, Fairy Godmother; there's one more thing. I'm having my period and I have no tampons." Fairy godmother told her to fetch a pumpkin, and "thywack" turned the pumpkin into a tampon. "Do be back by midnight..." said the Fairy Godmother |
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:06 |
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I was in the pub the other night, got talking to an Irishman. He told me he was a member of the Lemon Order, I said " surely you mean the Orange Order? ", he replied " No, we're much more bitter than that.
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:09 |
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I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said "I love you." She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?" I replied, "It's me talking to the beer."
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:25 |
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Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go to bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls! |
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:28 |
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Usain Bolt goes to a golf club and the man at reception says, "Sorry Sir , we don't let Black people play here. There's another club ten minutes down the road that might help." "But I'm Usain Bolt!" he says. " Alright then, clever twat, 3 minutes down the road, |
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:29 |
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Paddy and Mick are walking down the street one day when a lorryload of turf passes them. "Ah, Michael.... when I'm winning the lottery that's what I'll be doing..." "What's that Paddy? " "Sending me lawn away to be cut.."
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 03-February-2017 at 16:32 |
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Specially for Bredan
Phone rings,....... woman answers. A pervert. with heavy breathing, says,......... "I bet you have a tight ars****le with no hair?" Woman replies, ................."Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?" |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life! 
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274 |
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Posted: 04-February-2017 at 19:55 |
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Not hard to tell what kind of book DonDon got for Christmas
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Don Don
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74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Posted: 06-February-2017 at 12:16 |
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I wonder the reason everyone has left the Forum......Is it my jokes
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274 |
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Posted: 07-February-2017 at 00:00 |
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I'm blaming Trump on everything
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joey the lips
I spend too much time here!!!
1979 -1983 Joined: 30-October-2007 Status: Offline Points: 9532 |
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Posted: 07-February-2017 at 10:47 |
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tweeter and the monkey man ,its so unreal that he is the main man
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You can checkout anytime u like but u can never leave
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 25-February-2017 at 17:48 |
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A small white guy gets into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a
huge black dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the
small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left
ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the guy, "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'" |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 25-February-2017 at 17:50 |
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my
wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.” |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 25-February-2017 at 17:52 |
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At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 10...success is...making your own meals. At age 12...success is...having friends. At age 16...success is...having a drivers license. At age 20...success is...having sex. At age 35...success is...having money. At age 50...success is...having money. At age 60...success is...having sex. At age 70...success is...having a drivers license. At age 75...success is...having friends. At age 80...success is...making your own meals. At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants.
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 26-February-2017 at 14:34 |
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Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man
goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow
him to hear 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check
up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and
asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!" |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 09-March-2017 at 13:51 |
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There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a
building. The first man said ” I bet you $100 I can jump out that window
and come straight back in!” The second man says “Ok, sure.” and the
barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears
for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing
the $100, the second man says: ” I’ll bet you another $100 you can’t do
it again.” So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps
out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in.
Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says
“Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back
in.” The first man says” Ok, sure.” The second man jumps out the window
and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the
barman says to the first man ” Gee, you can be a bastard when you’re
pissed, Superman.”
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38031 |
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Posted: 14-March-2017 at 10:28 |
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Guy goes into the pub near closing time and asks the barman if he has any sandwiches left?
The barman says yes and the guy replies "serves you right for making too many". |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274 |
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Posted: 19-May-2017 at 04:18 |
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Don Don joke-short version: Two friends meet in a pub and one says to the other –“You sure have changed a lot since I last saw you…it looks like you have a head shaped like a big pumpkin.” The guy says “I know… I found a lamp on a beach in Florida and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me three wishes. I wished for a million dollars and a million dollars just appeared out of thin air. Then I wished I could marry the most beautiful woman in the world …so I’m now the proud husband of Claudia Schiffer. Then I sort of did something really stupid…I made a wish for a giant pumpkin head. |
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