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Joke !!! |
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Sharon 
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Joined: 23-May-2005 Location: Balbriggan formally Beaumon Status: Offline Points: 3588 |
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 Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:56 |
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Rolo Im a girl and i can wear one...lmfto wondered what uld say about it glad ive still got it....pmsl Shaz |
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All I wanted was chips!!
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Rolo
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�79 - �85 Joined: 08-July-2005 Status: Offline Points: 9282 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:50 |
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Can't believe you did that. That was a very funny joke.And you called me a chicken!!! Ya big blouse. Rolo. |
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Sharon
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Joined: 23-May-2005 Location: Balbriggan formally Beaumon Status: Offline Points: 3588 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:46 |
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Happy now rolo
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All I wanted was chips!!
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Sharon
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Joined: 23-May-2005 Location: Balbriggan formally Beaumon Status: Offline Points: 3588 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:44 |
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damn your making me feel bad now again jeez rolo i cant win with you..... bring on the chess ...chess i said Cheers Sharon |
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All I wanted was chips!!
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Rolo
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:42 |
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Just that we're not used to that kinda stuff in the Seminary. Rolo. |
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Sharon
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Joined: 23-May-2005 Location: Balbriggan formally Beaumon Status: Offline Points: 3588 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:39 |
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Jeez Rolo is it that bad "giggles" damn have i to deleate it....nah feck it we all adults here Cheers Shaz with the edit button at the ready |
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All I wanted was chips!!
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Rolo
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:35 |
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Jeez Shaz, That's a very funny joke................ Ho Ho Ho. Rolo. Edited by Rolo |
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Sharon
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Joined: 23-May-2005 Location: Balbriggan formally Beaumon Status: Offline Points: 3588 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 19:33 |
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21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas 1. I prefer breasts to legs 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. Smother the butter all over the breasts! 4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 5. I've never seen a better spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10. Don't play with your meat. 11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time! 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you put it in? 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang. 18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had! 19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning 20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more! 21. I do like a good stuffing. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Edited by Sharon |
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All I wanted was chips!!
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Rolo
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 08:52 |
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Ah Pat, That's brilliant. Rolo. |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38085 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 08:42 |
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Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met by |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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xgrovehead
Die Hard Grover!
88/89 ish to 1992ish Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Dublin, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 2107 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 08:41 |
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Very good!!
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We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb. |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38085 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 08:40 |
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PRICELESS HANGOVER
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Darling, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M.,drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when, she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, woman, I'm married!" |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38085 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 08:37 |
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Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......." "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun". |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Choirgirl
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Joined: 30-March-2005 Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 06:59 |
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An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house. "Each of us has our own unique law. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. To all of my crackpot friends and relatives, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! Merry Crimble and all the Best in 2006 Jackie
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Lenny3fingers
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Joined: 24-October-2005 Location: Drogheda Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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Posted: 19-December-2005 at 03:44 |
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how do you make a cat go woof? drown it in petrol and throw a match at it! |
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work. the curse of the drinking classes!
-----grover 90 - 96 ish------ |
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eejit91
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Grove Years 1979-1983-84ish Joined: 12-October-2005 Location: Sometimes here and sometime Status: Offline Points: 8180 |
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Posted: 18-December-2005 at 15:50 |
So did you post it and what happened! |
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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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xgrovehead
Die Hard Grover!
88/89 ish to 1992ish Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Dublin, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 2107 |
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Posted: 17-December-2005 at 13:31 |
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Two snowmen in a field and one says to the other - "Can you smell carrots?" Check out the website. http://www.kilogramme.co.uk/snowgallery/
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We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb. |
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Stevie
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1976-81ish Joined: 22-July-2005 Location: Raheny Dublin Status: Offline Points: 295 |
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Posted: 15-December-2005 at 20:46 |
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Fill ye in soon on the goings on Stevie |
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xgrovehead
Die Hard Grover!
88/89 ish to 1992ish Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Dublin, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 2107 |
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Posted: 15-December-2005 at 09:12 |
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Teresa, Very good!! xgh |
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We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb. |
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eejit91
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Grove Years 1979-1983-84ish Joined: 12-October-2005 Location: Sometimes here and sometime Status: Offline Points: 8180 |
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Posted: 15-December-2005 at 08:38 |
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees DATE: December 01, 2005 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you & your family. Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 02, 2005 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w/Christmas, tho unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you & your family. Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 03, 2005 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: December 04, 2005 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit w/each other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed tho we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high blood pressure to taste 1st. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F***king Employees DATE: December 05, 2005 RE: The F***ing Holiday Party Vegetarian pricks I've had it w/you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, & you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk & die, The Bitch from HELL!!! FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 06, 2005 RE: Patty Lewis & Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery & I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Happy Holidays! |
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"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Stevie wrote:
love this! I'm posting it up tomorrow in the office as we actually are having the Christmas lunch and I DO work in HR...