Joke !!!

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock?

All the men stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?’

All the women stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’ t belong to them?’

Half the women stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?’

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

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An elderly couple is getting ready for bed. She says Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house." He says, I'll go get some." She says, "Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry." She adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget." He says, I won't forget; Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."

Away he goes. Hours later he comes back and hands her a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH". She says, I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend to spella Mississippi."

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron".

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!

He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood."

The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."

He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

LOL Frank 

Roy Rodgers goes out for a ride on his horse Trigger.

But he gets lost and ends up in Indian country where he is captured and held hostage.

The Indians tie him to a pole and set a fire around him

Roy Rodgers starts hollering and asks the Big Chief if he could have a final wish.

The Chief says ok and Roy calls Trigger over and whispers in Triggers ear.

Trigger trots off and after a while comes back with two beautiful women on his back.

The Indians are amazed so Roy calls Trigger over again and whispers in his ear.

"I said get a posse not pussy".

Guy gets offered three wishes from his genie in the bottle.

But the genie warns him that his worst enemy will get double what he wishes for.

So the genie asks him for his first wish.

He says €50m in my bank account. Done says the genie but warns him that his worst enemy will now get €100m.

Ok says he and when asked what his second wish is he replied he wanted 50 of the most beautiful girls in the world as his harem. Granted says the genie but your worst enemy will now get 100 beautiful girls.

The genie is confused at this stage but asks him for his third wish.

The guy sits back, scratches his head and says if it would be possible to have one of his testicles removed.

Lol lads, dunno whether to laugh or cry at those jokes - but they're still better than any of mine 😂😂😂