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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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A flea in Omar Shariff's moustache was bored, and phoned the flea agency telling them that he wanted another posting. The Flea Agency arranged for him to be moved to Raquel Welch's minge. Two days later the flea contacted the Agency complaining that he was back in Omar Shariff's moustache
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Whats brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung. |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel." Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?" The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your b@lls red and the other blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of b@lls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.' |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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What's a Welsh letter? A French letter with a ' leek ' in it |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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Why do the French police have Roman numerals on their helmets?..................................because they would like silly with French letters!
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274 |
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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
an investigator
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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A Glaswegian was getting dressed on the morning of his wedding. He has had a kilt specially made. He puts it on and his best man says, " What's the tartan?" " She's wearing white" |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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A black athlete was shot shot dead by a starting pistol..........police say it was definitely race related.
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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What's blue and white and can't climb trees? A fridge in a denim jacket |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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On the subject of tips... My mate told me to put all my money on a horse called Landfill.. it turned out to be a rubbish tip.
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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During a spell in prison a well know pop star was interviewed by the govenor after he was found to be hiding contraband chocolate up his backside:
He claimed it was just a careless Wispa! |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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went fishing in the River liffey estuary yesterday.
I caught a huge fish and when I tried to remove the hook I found it had a syringe in its mouth. Turns out it was a drug 'addock! |
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Don Don
Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470 |
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'My wife went on a girlie trip to Hawaii and came back with a tattoo!'
'Honolulu?'
'No, on her ankle, actually... |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!! 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38081 |
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A wife said to her husband, 'You're always pushing me around and
talking behind my back.' He said, 'What do you expect? You're in a
wheelchair.'
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!! 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38081 |
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A quote from Zsa Zsa Gabor . "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!! 72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 38081 |
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Six Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died.
The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man
draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend’s house to tell the
wife. |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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