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Joke !!!

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Biker Pat View Drop Down
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    Posted: 01-November-2005 at 09:11

LOL

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold
winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and
young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers
looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking.

"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot
together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register and placed
his order with no hesitation, and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started
taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order
of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain
hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half
in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided
them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his
wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as
the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell
what people around the old couple were thinking.

"That poor old couple."

As the old man began eating his French fries, a young man
stood up and walked to the old couples table. He politely
offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just
fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the
crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a
thing.

She just sat there watching her husband eat and
occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and
begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally
asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating.

You said that you share everything. What is it that you are
waiting for?"





She answered,













[This is great - scroll down!]








"The teeth
."

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xgrovehead View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote xgrovehead Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01-November-2005 at 09:15
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb.
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eejit91 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eejit91 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03-November-2005 at 14:57

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather
coat. It's only$1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure... go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the
new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$260,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted
last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks


"Anyone know whose phone this is?"

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Biker Pat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04-November-2005 at 08:48
[QUOTE=eejit91]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

LOL LOLLOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eejit91 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07-November-2005 at 14:37
The Irish Castaway

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over
10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's
certainly not a ship."

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the
possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a
drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
"Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the
left sleeve of her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah,"
said the man, "that is so good, I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke
can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish
whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a
pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and
took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. 'Tis
truly fantastic!!!"

At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long
front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the
trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played
around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!"
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-November-2005 at 05:23

lol at the last one. hahahahah

guy walks into a fancy dress party with a girl on his back, everyone is looking at him wondering what he came as. Finally someone asks him. he replies, I came as a tortoise. This is michelle

 

 

work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-November-2005 at 06:29

Question :

Why did the Indians bury their chief at the top of the hill,facing west ?

Answers on a postcard ..........

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-November-2005 at 06:52
no idea rolo, why did the indians bury their chief at the top of the hill facing west?
work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-November-2005 at 07:47
Because he was dead !!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-November-2005 at 07:48
oh my god! that is so brilliant  :)
work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 07:31

Guy walks into the doctor with a frog sitting on his shoulder.

Doctor asks when he first noticed anything peculiar.

Frog says " Well it all started with a boil on my bum."



Edited by Rolo
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xgrovehead View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote xgrovehead Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 09:00
LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
-Ancient Proverb.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Biker Pat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 09:17

[QUOTE=Lenny3fingers]

My pacemaker's gone off I'm laughing so much LOL

 

Biker Pat

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 09:22
Your turn so !!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:20

guy walks into the doctors and says dr, i keep having alternate recurring dreams, one night im a teepee the next night im a wigwam. the dr says you need to relax, your two ten(t)s(e)

another guy walks into the drs, and says dr, i keep singing the green green grass of home. Dr says sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Guy says he never heard of that and asked was it common? Dr replies its not unusual........

work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:26

Oh here we go so,

Blind Guy goes into supermarket,swinging his guide dog by the leash,around and around,high above his head.

Manager comes over " Can I help you Sir ? "

Blind Guy replies " No thanks,just having a look around."

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:28

good one rolo.

another guy goes into the drs wearing nothing but cellophane. dr says I can clearly see your nuts.......

 

another guy goes into the drs with a steering wheel attached to his groin. The dr says whats that, the guy replies. I dunno, but its driving me nuts.

work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lenny3fingers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:29

how do you get an elephant into a mini?

 

 

 

with great difficulty

work. the curse of the drinking classes!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eejit91 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:36

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the
African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a
camel  hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept  there. The nervous sergeant
said, Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here  on the post and no
women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges".
That's  why we have the camel." The Captain says, "I can't say that I
condone this, but  I understand about urges", so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the  Captain starts having his own "urges".
Crazy with passion, he asks the  Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the  Captain stands on the ladder, pulls
his pants down and has wild, insane sex with  the camel. When he's done, he
asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do  it?",
No . not really, sir...They usually just ride the camel into town where
the girls are."



Edited by eejit91
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rolo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-November-2005 at 10:42

Teresa, that's great.

Best one so far.

Anyone else ?

 

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