Ok Lads here's one for you.  I am going to start a story and I would like each person to add a the max of 3 lines to the story taking it in whatever direction they want.

Ok let the fun begin.

This story is about a princess and a pair of magic tights. 

All right Eejit91, something like this...................

" Things weren't supposed to have ended up like this " Sarah thought to herself,as she watched Diana,her older sister, and heir to the throne of Newcompoundland being led away in chains.

Sure hadn't she only programmed the Magic Tights to fall down to her sister's ankles at a most innopportune moment for a laugh,not to detach themselves completely,wrap themselves around the Prime Minister's neck,with her sisters hands still holding onto the ends of them,which made it look to all intents and purposes that Diana was hell bent on wringing the poor man's neck.

Meanwhile a knock came to the door... who could that be thought Sarah?

Cautiously she walked to the door................Best if no one knows there's anyone here, she thinks to herself. ( And in reality,who could blame her. I mean,you've got Diana in a most uncompromising position in the middle of the floor,poor Tony's face is as red as the proverbial tomato as he gasps for breath and as for the rest of them...............)

So,just as Sarah has decided not to answer the knock,she faintly hears the following words,beautifully sung.............

" You are all I want to know,you hold my heart so don't let go,you are all I need to live,my love to you I'll always give....................."

But how could it B.

Did she not kill him all those years ago When she found out about the affair he was having

While curiousity is slowly getting the better of Sarah,Diana scrambles to her feet and recovers her dignity.The poor Prime Minister has finally got his breath back and is making for the door.

Sarah realises that once the smarmy git opens the door she's gonna find out the identity of the mystery crooner,whether she likes it or not.

All the while the singing continues,

" When you came in my life,you changed my world,my Sarah.........."

 Her mind drifts back to better times......

Then she stops and belts out:

I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control
Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'

You better shape up, cause I need a man,
and my heart is set on you........

Tony reaches the door and swings it open.

Sarah dances out still giving it her best ONJ impression " You better shape up............"

She stops with a start,there's no one there,..............save for the poor PM legging it down the stairs.

" Diana " she calls," Come and look "

She looks good for someone who's been Brown Bread for a year or two,little blue in the face perhaps,but good nonetheless.

" Girls ",she says," I have to tell you both,this heaven place,or whatever one likes to call it,I just couldn't recommend it highly enough.Oh,the people one meets there,simply wonderful.Just look at who I've brought home for you to meet..............."

No sooner had she got the words out of her noble gob................

Sarah recoils in Horror ! ... She cant think of what to do and in her fear she slams the door in poor womans face.. She steps back and and says to herself ... I see dead people !!  After a few minutes she gathers herself together and opens the door ..

and lo behold who is behind the door this time but ................

" Ah Jaysis " says Bertie,

" I'm only here ta see Tony to talk about them Orange fellas and the fightin' an all,now look what's happenin' ,any chance of a pinta Bass ?"

The entire place fell silent.... Everyone turns!!!!!!

Nobody seemed to notice but the tights had crept off Sarah and were on their way up Bertie's legs....

"BeJasus" shouts Bertie in shock... but before he can do anything about it, Feddie Mercury's Mother grabs him by the legs!

With that, out runs Diane screaming at the top of her lungs!!! Where the fook are my tights?

 Ye see these tights Diane says Bertie, well you can stick them up your arse! Cause I'm goin back to Dublin....

So Bertie got into his plush bunk in his private jet and snuggled up tight and dreamt of the next issue of "t**sers Weekly" as he soared his way to Dublin again.

THe End?

Well it certainly could have been the end but as we all know every royal family has a scandal to behold!

Diane pulled on the tights and turned to Sarah "Come on darling lets hit the town tonight"

The Queen M took Freddie's Mother by the hand and led her into the green room..... And in a faded voice you could hear her say "this fooking place has gone to hell since I left".....

Queen Mum and Freddies Mum took royal Taxi to Stringfellas little did they know the 2 wans Diana and Fergie had crept in the boot of said taxi with the magic tights in their firm grip

When they arrived the Queen Mum went to boot to retrieve her dancing shoes she had left there earlier and she ......

.........nearly died again in fright,'cos there in the boot,large as life and twice as ugly was none other than...........................

" You are all I want to know,you hold my heart so don't let go,My Sarah "..............

Philo,complete with Afro and Bass guitar...................

she rubbed her eyes surely not Phil but the Bee Gees!

Next came:

Tragedy: When the feeling's gone and you can't go on,
It's tragedy. When the morning cries and you don't know why,
It's hard to bear. With no one to love you, you're goin' nowhere.
Tragedy: When you lose control and you got no soul,
It's tragedy. When the morning cries and you don't know why,
It's hard to bear.
With no one beside you, you're goin' nowhere.

http://www.etoile.co.uk/Photos/displayimage.php?album=topn&cat=0&pos=6">  but what was that in the background was it the magic tights.......

Was it what ?

Hadn't the bleedin' tights once again succeeded in escaping from Diana and managed to attach themselves unceremoniously to Barry Gibb,who to the amazement of all concerned,dropped the oul kaks and proudly displayed a pair of his own.....................................

( And there's yousa all wonderin' how he managed the falsetto for all those years)

And as if that wasn't enough...............

Does'nt He only go grab hold of the queen mum and proceeds to waltz her down the sidewalk singing

 'eh eh eh eh staying alive, staying alive, eh eh eh eh Staying alive ..

Freddies Mum has seen too much, in a desperate attempt to save the Queens dignity she races over to tackle Barry.. That's when all hell breaks out !

There's duckin an a diving goin all over the gaff..... Barry Gibb in now on the pavement trying to explain his predicament in a strange high pitched voice....even higher than his own high pitched voice because the tights were about 11 1/2 times too small for him and the tight elastic although magic was cutting off his circulation and he was turning a peculiar blue colour....

.........in comes Philo,Bass Guitar still 'strapped round his shoulders,

" Is there anybody here with any Irish in them ? " he asks,

" Sorry young man " replies the Queen Mum, " Nobody here but us Germans "

" And us Argentinians " shouts Sarah as she climbs down off the pole having completed.......................

.... a fantastic Argentinian pole dance.....

Diane buts in... would ya look who's at the bar... who would it be only Charles with that awful looking dike Camilla......  He strolls over, "what the fook are you looking at".... say's he to Diane. 

"I'll give you a shout when I find out says Diane".. with a quick whip of the tongue.....  

and oozing some more.....

Blue Blood at which the QM screams again - "Oh Charles you are a royal and I always suspected you were switched at birth by aliens"

And as an aside Diana shouts if you think he isn't an alien you'd want to see what he keeps in his p.......

(Oops bit of a cross post with Teresa There)

.........Charles' loses his balance and falls to the ground

Camilla looks on , what shall she do..........

..ocket.

With that,Charles reaches into his Jacket Pocket and pulls out.......

But then Diane jumped up! "hold on - Barry get over here"?  If they are indeed the real thing then what the hell is Barry wearing???

The entire crowd turned and together said....."interesting"....ummmmmm

Charles jumped up holding his ear or the lack there of..... and in a very high pitched voice said "What the hell would you know, your only a blow in".....

Sarah took Diane by the hand, come on love were out of here.....

and the tights went legging it down the road after them..

Queenie and Mrs Mercury along with Barry and the gang all headed to hell for a change...

Pulling up the airport......

who should they see but?

It's Freddie Mercury and he's in awful state, tears rolling down his cheeks .. Phyl goes over to him .' hey brother, what's the matter'

Freddie looks up and says ..........

" I want to break free , I want to break free , free from these tights that are constraining me, oh oh I want to break free................"

Barry whispers,to no one in particular " You and me both mate."

Anyway,singing over, Freddie picks up his...........

tissue, blows his nose and hands it to Phil saying "there honey theres something to remember me by, see ya later back up above, I'm off to catch up with some of my past pupils....

Phil just stands there, think I'll head back to Dublin!  With that the two girls jump forward, "Hey babe can we come also, Paris can wait"...

Phil with a babe on each arm....

..........alright Dancing in the Moonlight on this long hot summer night.

Meanwhile on a high stool in a well known Dublin hostelry.............

.......Ah jaysis Dev,where've you been all these years.

Do you not know that we're all friends now,sure why could you possibly want us to off these two beauties.

At this point....................

..........looks around in a panic. What the hell's going on here then ?

You've Dev on the Tin Whistle,you've Liam T. on the bodhran and to cap it all,there in the middle of them all,lustily eyeing up Philo,Freddy and Barry,while lashing out Eric Bell's solo on her fiddle is...............

......Delores Keane....she has the skirt jacked up and her lovely white fleshy leg hanging out.....all the time flickering those eyelashes at the lads.... you can see them cringing in the corner. 

In walks Bertie! Spotting the two wan's he goes straight for the bar and orders.........

........Dev to feck off back to the Cemetary he came from and leave the running of De Party and De Country to him,'cos after all he is the..............

...........down the Labour to sign on for the Sausage, 'cos unbeknown to Bertie ( who had spent the last week running after Sarah and Diana),the Government had been dissolved and he was out of a job.

And you'll never guess who the new Teashock was,only..........

...with his Mammy.

So...........time for a quick recap.

There's the new Teashock,Mr.O'Donnell.There's the two ex Presidents,De Valera and Liam Cosgrave,there's Diana,Sarah and the two oul wans ,there's Philo,Freddie,Barry Gibb and of course Delores who by now has had to reject the advances of all the pop stars,both living and dead.................let's see have we forgotten anyone ?

Bertie ? ( no remember he's now queuing at Hatch 20 in Gardiner Street,waiting for his Sausage.)

Arriving at Daniel's ranch in the hills of Donegal,the whole gang are treated to................

 .....tea, made by his mammy, he havin' locked the wife in the cellar in case she had any ideas about having sex with him before, after, or during marriage....

Stevie

...........or on any Wednesday afternoon in July for that matter.

Anyway,as the gang are settling down to their tea and scones,a loud noise can be heard coming from the direction of the self same cellar.

Dev goes to check it out,with Sarah close behind..................

and lo and behold who do they see spreadeagled against the wall being whipped with the magic tights while singing "its not unusual to be loved by anyone"......

but..........

...........which,by now,were utterly rank.

This however was no problem for Our Bill.Sure wasn't he well used to stuff that was mingin' , hadn't he been knocking around with that Lewinsky one for years...................

....but according to Bill he only entered the cellar thinking he would find some wine for the grand occasion...

Back up stairs the tea was going down a treat when who but Phil would light up a joint... Bill having never inhaled in his life asked for the joint to be passed to him, but sure they were all in line for a puff before the tea was over.....

Danial being the hero of many an ordinary man jumped up and started to...........

.......do a limbo dance using Philo's long legs as the Limbo Bar.

This was too much for Dev and Liam T., who legged it out the door straight into Air Force One which Bill had managed to borrow from Dubya for the afternoon and which was idling in the driveway of Daniel's mansion.

Into the Cockpit with the 2 ex Presidents where they tell the pilot,

Take us to........................

.............Magnus Magnusson.

" Welcome to Wednesday's edition of Mastermind " he says," Can we have our first contender please ? "

" You go first " whispers Dev to Liam T. " I've been dead so long that I won't be able to answer any of the questions "

" I will in me Swiss " says Liam T. and fooks off out the door of the plane.

" I've started , so I'll finish " says Magnus before he turns around and asks..........................

"who in 1916 was the most wanted man in the Ireland"

Dev thinks for a minute and replys ...........

...............eh, oh I know this one.........eh was it ..............eh,it's on the tip of me tongue,eh.................ah feck it it's gone, Pass.

At this stage the whistle blows and Magnus says..............

Micheal Collins - sure didn't you have him done in yourself......

Dev reaches over and......

I am ready to boldy go where no man has ever gone before....

he turns to Dev and winks at him and says...I'm gay you know and you my dear Dev are the most bucksome man I have ever set my eyes on.....come here to me and.....

........show me how to fly this bleedin' plane."

" Captains log,me arse " says Dev, " you can fly it yourself, I'm off "

With that Dev disembarks leaving Picard all alone, until.............

In pops Phill with Bill and some bird named Gill they picked up on their way over the hill to catch up with Dev who by now has gone looking to see who next he can bore with his ideas for a...........

......which by now has been reduced to the sum total of the following,

Two ex RUC Armoured Cars,complete with handcuffs and hoods,three ex US Army Sherman Tanks which fell off the back of a plane at Shannon,fourteen bicycles left over from the War of Independence and seventy three soldiers marching around and around the drill square at Collins' Barracks completely unawares that the Barracks closed down years ago and is now part of the National Museum.

Meanwhile,fresh from his ride on the ejector seat, Magnus hurtles towards the ground and lands on.................

....his feet, standing up and now facing Bill, Gill, Phil & the return of Dev he quickly picks up where he left off and goes straight into the next question!

In what year did......

....ah hell kick a hog in the ass....

With this out run's Diane and Sarah with Danial running behind them with a pair of rubber gloves on his hands.... come ere to me yis....

At this point Daniel's Mammy,having served the tea and  scones,washed the dishes and hoovered up all the crumbs comes out of the house.She looks disgustedly at Daniel as he lustily chases after Diana and Sarah.

" Daniel " she roars," leave those two trollopes alone , get back in here,what about .........................

.......for his dummy (soother,pacifier or whatever you call it now.)

" Oh for God's sake, Daniel " says the Mammy before she...............

..........heads back into the house,having completely given up on Daniel. " If he wants to lust after that pair of yokes,let him " she thinks to herself." I'm off to check out that Magnus bloke,I like the look of him."

Sarah and Diana,who have by now outrun poor Daniel,leaving him in a heap on the roadside and have decided to...........

...........before he launches into yet another timeless classic...........

" As I was going over.............

..............to my mammy's for my breakfast "

continues Daniel,who has managed to find his way back to the house following his failed pursuit of the two ladies ( and who is also fed up having to listen to all these Rock Songs being performed by dead people.)

Meanwhile,far away in another part of town...............