Joke !!!

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift.

“I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie theatre for the latest superhero saga – with popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

“Well dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

” I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!”

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

Joke courtesy of Grover Robbie Poole.

phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his

wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but

the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks... like I

said my boy is a typical County Clare baby boy."

Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say,

aren't you the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25

pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be

in two weeks... so how much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? You said he

was 25 pounds the day he was born.”

The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his

lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"We Had him circumcised."

"Who's there?"

"Grandad"

"sh*t, stop the funeral"

Joke courtesy of Ricky Gallagher. 

Working people frequently ask retired people what

they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I

went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an "asshole" . He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Mary called him a "sh*t head". He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age.

Not sure I get it though...First class really was going to Toronto  - Right?

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"

“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." ...........